Hi everybody,
I wanted to send a quick message, especially to those of you who, like myself, tend to experience the holiday season as a complicated bummer. So many occasions to feel sorrow as this time of year commences.
I am someone who has been practicing awhile now how to be estranged during the holidays, therefore I’m pretty decent at it. And it can still be hard. I resolved this week that I’m going to commit to my own daily ‘brain cleaning’ aka journalspeak-and-meditation practice this holiday season. Just to bolster myself as I go through these weeks, knowing all they can invite.
This had me thinking I’d share some other ideas, however obvious, with you…
Suggestions for Overwhelmed Times
-Take a walk. Almost always helps to get some air, I find.
-Take a bath. Ditto, almost always helps to soak in hot water.
-Take a breath. There’s no wrong way; maybe meditate or maybe just consciously breathe for a few moments. Long exhales in particular, as you maybe know, are a way of signaling to our nervous systems we are safe to calm down.
-Have a glass of water. I can’t tell you how often I seemingly forget about water all day and then have some and remember oh right water is great.
-Move around. Actually doing something physical is oftentimes helpful, whether that’s yoga or running or any other exercise, or again just take a walk. That being said…
-Chill the fuck out. If what’s going to be best for you right now is just sitting on the couch, go for it. Take a nap. Put on a show that soothes you. Play a game. Do a puzzle. Color. I’m someone who struggles to do nothing or to rest; my tendency is towards overwhelm and overwork. It can therefore take conscious effort for me to pause, even momentarily. Anyway if you need someone to give you permission to just do nothing, I hereby grant it.
-Be conscious of your own boundaries and feel free to fortify them. Sometimes this means making the extremely hard choice of not sharing space with certain people or groups of people. If during the holidays you must be spend time with people you’ll find challenging, perhaps consider other ways to boundary yourself — for example by determining topic areas you are unwilling to discuss and/or taking breaks, even carving out a few minutes of alone time.
-Get it out. If you are drowning in negative thoughts or feelings, trying to articulate them can be helpful, to help distinguish your actual beliefs from the murk. Reach out to a friend, if there’s someone you feel you can trust with your toughest stuff. I find that exchanging voice messages is a way of chatting with someone in-depth that isn’t as demanding as a phone call. Other ideas include: Talking with your therapist-type person and / or allowing yourself to rant into the void that is JournalSpeak. (Again here’s my JournalSpeak primer.)
-Love yourself. At least try to keep in mind that you are the first and most important person in your own life. If you’re being super hard on yourself, try to not be! Which I get can itself be hard! Consciousness-raising activities like meditation or therapy or JournalSpeak can be helpful in allowing us a better sense of our mental processes let alone the ways in which we may be bullying ourselves. I’m also a proponent of gestures of self-love. Treat yourself to a favorite snack. Listen to a favorite song. Or, another example I sometimes use, make your bed in the morning so you that evening has a nice bed to get into.
-Lean harder on your supportive practices, whether that’s a commitment to a daily self-care practice or preemptively scheduling with your therapist-type person (or finding one!) or making a change, big or small, that you know deep down might shore up your own wellbeing.
-Take it one day at a time. Very cliché advice and a concept I often remind myself, especially when anxiety about what’s yet to come can feel like too much. If I feel myself flying around in time — into the future, into the past — I try to instead get super present. I’m kinda repeating myself I realize but activities like meditation or walking or bathing or dancing or cooking or eating something delicious or petting a dog or cat can help us return to the present.
What’s Helping Today: André 3000’s newly released flute album, New Blue Sun, which has been playing more or less continuously around here this last week. My enjoyment of this sort of music notwithstanding, I truly love it when an artist does whatever the hell they please. ICYMI: this GQ profile of him, featuring some excellent overalls.
I’ve added the album to my superlong playlist of chill lyric-free music, which I’ve refreshed. I’ve also refreshed my other long slightly more upbeat playlist that’s good for putting on while entertaining. I’ll no doubt have it on this weekend during Not Thanksgiving.
Feel free to be in touch if you want, perhaps let me know What’s Helping Today for you. You can also send in a question for the advice column (whatshelpingtoday@gmail.com).
Take care of your spirits loves,
Sandy Ernest
p.s. If you enjoy this newsletter, consider sharing or forwarding it to a potentially interested friend. I genuinely appreciate your support.
p.p.s. I really liked this conversation with Roxane Gay about quitting social media.