Hi readers,
I want to share about a practice I’ve been finding helpful lately.
Over the last few years, a dear friend and I have reconnected deeply. She’s a therapist and also someone who’s working on her own healing journey. We often exchange voice messages about the contents of our hearts and minds and days.
I was inspired recently by a Jack Kornfield meditation wherein he included the idea of a gratitude friend. The idea was share a few things you are grateful for with someone else — two or three things daily, he suggested.
I’m not someone who needs to be further convinced as to the potential benefit of gratitude practices and yet I admit I can find such practices hard to maintain, on my own. It can be challenging, to stay in a grateful mindset, especially amidst the churn of life, whatever washes in on your shore.
I told my aforementioned therapist pal about this ‘gratitude friend’ idea, keeping my pitch light. Speaking for myself at least, I know if anything can feel too much like an obligation I might wind up avoiding it altogether. So I tried to be like, let’s share gratitude every day, two or three things, unless we don’t get to it, which is also fine. No pressure. Low stakes.
So far it’s been nice. Nice to have my mind tasked with looking for things to be grateful for to report back to her. I’m confronted with seemingly endless gratitude-inspiring stuff, besides, here in the Western Catskills in May.
My gratitude friend and I text each other or we exchange voice memos, sharing what we’re grateful for. The sound of thunderstorms overnight, she’s said. Great British Baking Show. Coffee! Cucumbers germinating, I’ve said. Mint chip ice cream. Blossoms on the apple trees.
We’re grateful for our pets. We’re grateful for our partners, the ways in which we navigate life together and show one another care. We’re grateful for our own mental health care practitioners and other supports we invest in for ourselves.
We often express gratitude for each other as well, for our exchange. It can feel so vulnerable, to re-fortify a friendship in adulthood, especially at a distance. But we’ve put the work in for a few years now, have felt that effort take root and bloom.
I’ve lately felt lots of gratitude for my garden. Especially during moments when so much else can feel uncertain and tumultuous and just plain scary, I am grateful to the garden’s daily gifts. I’m grateful for its constant transformation into itself and the way in which we are in conversation. It reminds me how little and how much one can ultimately control.
Best to try to feel joy about what one does have right now, at least.
Anyway, that’s it. If the notion appeals, perhaps try it out… enlist a likeminded buddy in a ‘gratitude friend’ practice. Share a few things daily.
But like, no pressure.
Tell me about it you want.
Sending you love,
Sandy
p.s. Highly recommend the latest episode of Maintenance Phase, a thoughtful and thorough debunking of the “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria” bullshit.
p.p.s. Excited to announce I’m teaching for The Workroom this summer, another round of my fun new two-part craft seminar on revision for advanced writers of literary nonfiction. I had a blast teaching this experiment of a class last time and am looking forward to doing it again. I’m keeping the group pretty small, so if you’re considering enrolling, probably better to do so soon. It meets online on two Sunday afternoons in mid June and July.
p.p.p.s. Periodic reminder that you can send an anonymous question for a potential future advice column to whatshelpingtoday@gmail.com. Here are the column’s first, second and third installments.